Thursday, April 22, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
The sexualization of a Lifestyle
There are thousands of possibly millions of post out there about BDSM and sex. One of the questions that is a recurrent theme is, why does everyone think it is about sex? Or is it really just kinky sex. Partially the answer can be yes and no, depending on which letters you are talking about. In the age of the internet the first impression most folks get of the lifestyle is sex.
Personal ad sites that have pictures of women and men in various states of undress assault the new comers eyes. Most leather relationships involve a large component of sex. I can troll site after site of "lonely female seeking strict Master" and get my fill of nudity, why pay for porn at all? Likewise I have seen more male genatallia than bears mentioning from the "have you hit puberty" to the "you think you are sticking that where" variety.
To the newcomers, dare I say uninitiated, there is a very strong case for this lifestyle being about sex on first blush. Joining chat rooms where there is flirtatious activities if not outright sex going on, to the search that uncovers their first "real" club. Most activities in the lifestyle are about arousal and sex. We heighten the senses, we play...there is only a very small subset of the community that may actually take a deeper interest in the lifestyle than what happens in between the proverbial sheets.
Constant calls of make me your whore, your slut, your cunt. I want to be used by my Master/ Mistress.... assault the newcomer at every turn. (Not necessarily at them directly but that is the exposure). Coming into the lifestyle there were those that had a mentor that to an extent may have been able to temper that, but for most of the newer generation that simply does not exist. I can sit at my computer for years staring at pictures and reading stories that almost always end in sexual conquest of some sort or another, and what should I think with no one to tell me otherwise, or show me a lifestyle that is about D/s.
I would venture to say that most S/m play is almost always sexually geared, either as foreplay or as the entree of the sexual evening. I may not have sex with my s-type immediately after, but it does get the juices flowing.
So, as a part of that sub-set that actually engages in a 24/7 lifestyle I am frustrated by the propensity for this lifestyle to always be about sex, but having been in it for quite some time I can understand it. I don't endorse it but I do understand it.
Personal ad sites that have pictures of women and men in various states of undress assault the new comers eyes. Most leather relationships involve a large component of sex. I can troll site after site of "lonely female seeking strict Master" and get my fill of nudity, why pay for porn at all? Likewise I have seen more male genatallia than bears mentioning from the "have you hit puberty" to the "you think you are sticking that where" variety.
To the newcomers, dare I say uninitiated, there is a very strong case for this lifestyle being about sex on first blush. Joining chat rooms where there is flirtatious activities if not outright sex going on, to the search that uncovers their first "real" club. Most activities in the lifestyle are about arousal and sex. We heighten the senses, we play...there is only a very small subset of the community that may actually take a deeper interest in the lifestyle than what happens in between the proverbial sheets.
Constant calls of make me your whore, your slut, your cunt. I want to be used by my Master/ Mistress.... assault the newcomer at every turn. (Not necessarily at them directly but that is the exposure). Coming into the lifestyle there were those that had a mentor that to an extent may have been able to temper that, but for most of the newer generation that simply does not exist. I can sit at my computer for years staring at pictures and reading stories that almost always end in sexual conquest of some sort or another, and what should I think with no one to tell me otherwise, or show me a lifestyle that is about D/s.
I would venture to say that most S/m play is almost always sexually geared, either as foreplay or as the entree of the sexual evening. I may not have sex with my s-type immediately after, but it does get the juices flowing.
So, as a part of that sub-set that actually engages in a 24/7 lifestyle I am frustrated by the propensity for this lifestyle to always be about sex, but having been in it for quite some time I can understand it. I don't endorse it but I do understand it.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Safety Considerations
It is somewhat scary, but I am now watching a new generation enter the leather lifestyle. Wow, I am progressing in years. But a note on safety I think is due. There are important things that We can teach, many of them are common sense, but some are more esoteric. One of those things is physical safety. Where you can safely hit someone.
This is more for the mentors than the students, but even the students should take note. When receiving general instruction, one of the things to always ask is "Why?". This is not disrespectful but part of the learning process. I have had some fascinating conversations with some relatively new people about safety. They are always a little nervous but they will say something to the effect of..."I am concerned about where you were hitting." After some prying it comes down to a matter of all they know is that it is not someplace you should hit. That is all. Not the underlying reason.
That underlying reason is very important. Why? You ask. Because it explains the exceptions. Light floggers are not the same as heavy floggers. Nor are floggers the same as paddles or bats...yes, I said bats. But there are places that one should not hit with certain items. But those same places can be hit by other items and no damage can be done.
Plus, if anyone out there owns two or more floggers, they know, not all floggers are the same. Some are much heavier than others, the material that the falls are made out of make a world of difference as well. How they fall, how much kinetic force is transferred, all of these things make a difference. They make a difference in the amount of an s-types body you can play on. They make a difference in whether someone is safe or not.
These are the things that should be taught, most of what it is that We do is an art, there are very few absolutes. The absolutes that are out there generally result in Death.
This is more for the mentors than the students, but even the students should take note. When receiving general instruction, one of the things to always ask is "Why?". This is not disrespectful but part of the learning process. I have had some fascinating conversations with some relatively new people about safety. They are always a little nervous but they will say something to the effect of..."I am concerned about where you were hitting." After some prying it comes down to a matter of all they know is that it is not someplace you should hit. That is all. Not the underlying reason.
That underlying reason is very important. Why? You ask. Because it explains the exceptions. Light floggers are not the same as heavy floggers. Nor are floggers the same as paddles or bats...yes, I said bats. But there are places that one should not hit with certain items. But those same places can be hit by other items and no damage can be done.
Plus, if anyone out there owns two or more floggers, they know, not all floggers are the same. Some are much heavier than others, the material that the falls are made out of make a world of difference as well. How they fall, how much kinetic force is transferred, all of these things make a difference. They make a difference in the amount of an s-types body you can play on. They make a difference in whether someone is safe or not.
These are the things that should be taught, most of what it is that We do is an art, there are very few absolutes. The absolutes that are out there generally result in Death.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
The Super Secret!
When my wife and I decided to enter the lifestyle jointly We sat down and had a very long talk. Actually, it was an iteration of talks, more like negotiations than anything else. There are things that I am into that she isn't, and there are things that she is into, that are not up my alley. It doesn't mean that they can't happen, it is just something that We have to balance.
Having two Dominants running a House requires clear and concise conversation between Us. Words can't have connotation, they can only have meaning. What I say is what I mean, and what I mean is what I say. Even more so, if I can not communicate with my fellow Dominant then how can I expect to communicate with an s-type? While it may work, the expectation is that I should be able to communicate and leave the ego at the door if needs be.
One of the upsides of Going with a formal House, is that We developed "The Manual". (insert eerie music). It is the structure and basis for what We do. It holds Our expectations for s-types, and even what s-types can expect from Us. Any expectations that an s-type may have outside of those expectations needs to be clearly communicated. If they don't say there is an issue then how can We resolve it? But the most important part of "The Manual" is that it is a guideline. It sets down the basis for the D/s dynamic as We see it. As each s-type relationship develops there may be slight changes to that specific s-types training or expectations, based on their strength and weaknesses.
"The Manual" is by no means set in stone. As Our goals change, or We develop new methodologies or interests "The Manual" will change as well. My co-Dominant has put many hours into refining "The Manual", not because it gets her off, or it is her responsibility, but because that is the time allocation. We each have responsibilities and tasks to complete, just like anyone else. The division of labor is such that maintaining "The Manual" fell under Her purview, plus it is right sexy to see Her working on it! Damn but I love me some intelligent women exercising their brains!
This is part of the secret to Our success. Before advertising, or going out looking for an s-type, We developed Our model. We set it down, We communicated between Us. So that there would be a good understanding and idea of what We wanted. Has it worked Out that way? Not always. But We do have the ideal of what We want!
Happy Hunting!
Having two Dominants running a House requires clear and concise conversation between Us. Words can't have connotation, they can only have meaning. What I say is what I mean, and what I mean is what I say. Even more so, if I can not communicate with my fellow Dominant then how can I expect to communicate with an s-type? While it may work, the expectation is that I should be able to communicate and leave the ego at the door if needs be.
One of the upsides of Going with a formal House, is that We developed "The Manual". (insert eerie music). It is the structure and basis for what We do. It holds Our expectations for s-types, and even what s-types can expect from Us. Any expectations that an s-type may have outside of those expectations needs to be clearly communicated. If they don't say there is an issue then how can We resolve it? But the most important part of "The Manual" is that it is a guideline. It sets down the basis for the D/s dynamic as We see it. As each s-type relationship develops there may be slight changes to that specific s-types training or expectations, based on their strength and weaknesses.
"The Manual" is by no means set in stone. As Our goals change, or We develop new methodologies or interests "The Manual" will change as well. My co-Dominant has put many hours into refining "The Manual", not because it gets her off, or it is her responsibility, but because that is the time allocation. We each have responsibilities and tasks to complete, just like anyone else. The division of labor is such that maintaining "The Manual" fell under Her purview, plus it is right sexy to see Her working on it! Damn but I love me some intelligent women exercising their brains!
This is part of the secret to Our success. Before advertising, or going out looking for an s-type, We developed Our model. We set it down, We communicated between Us. So that there would be a good understanding and idea of what We wanted. Has it worked Out that way? Not always. But We do have the ideal of what We want!
Happy Hunting!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Why?
It is a question that we as people ask all the time. There are libraries of philosophy dedicated to the topic. There are entire religions based on or around this very topic. There are the great Whys and the little whys. I am not attempting to solve the riddles of the universe, I think they are doing just fine on their own.
But, what about the little whys? Why am I the way I am? Why do I like the color blue? Often times people get wrapped around the axle about these things. For the most part, is it simply enough to just be?
Knowing that I am what I am is a huge relief. Knowing that there are people out there looking for what I am is great. But does the knowing why really change anything? I have no history of abuse, of any sort, other than watching Linda Carter as Wonder Woman growing up. But I have a completely unremarkable childhood. Maybe that is what made me the way I am? Too much or not enough, for me it doesn't really matter. I simply am, and in the knowledge that I am, I can grow. I can look for the venues that cater to what I am. I can be safe and find partners that want what I am.
The life that all of us in the leather community lead follows dangerously close to that line of abuse. In some cases it is abuse. But knowing what I am, has allowed me to avoid falling over that line. But that is what I NEED to know.
I don't need to know the why of it. Does it matter? Would it change me one iota? Sure it might satisfy a scratch an itch, but would I not do this thing that we do? The answer to that would be no. I would continue to be me. After all is the sunrise any less majestic for knowing that the sun isn't moving? It is still a majestic sight.
I enjoy what I do. I have taken the time to make sure that I do it safely. After all, you can only break your toy once. I am not overly concerned with what society thinks. For this is my life and what I do with it is my responsibility. As a consenting adult, I can choose to torture myself over why I am the way I am, or I can torture someone else because that is what I enjoy.
I will choose the latter, it is more fun!
But, what about the little whys? Why am I the way I am? Why do I like the color blue? Often times people get wrapped around the axle about these things. For the most part, is it simply enough to just be?
Knowing that I am what I am is a huge relief. Knowing that there are people out there looking for what I am is great. But does the knowing why really change anything? I have no history of abuse, of any sort, other than watching Linda Carter as Wonder Woman growing up. But I have a completely unremarkable childhood. Maybe that is what made me the way I am? Too much or not enough, for me it doesn't really matter. I simply am, and in the knowledge that I am, I can grow. I can look for the venues that cater to what I am. I can be safe and find partners that want what I am.
The life that all of us in the leather community lead follows dangerously close to that line of abuse. In some cases it is abuse. But knowing what I am, has allowed me to avoid falling over that line. But that is what I NEED to know.
I don't need to know the why of it. Does it matter? Would it change me one iota? Sure it might satisfy a scratch an itch, but would I not do this thing that we do? The answer to that would be no. I would continue to be me. After all is the sunrise any less majestic for knowing that the sun isn't moving? It is still a majestic sight.
I enjoy what I do. I have taken the time to make sure that I do it safely. After all, you can only break your toy once. I am not overly concerned with what society thinks. For this is my life and what I do with it is my responsibility. As a consenting adult, I can choose to torture myself over why I am the way I am, or I can torture someone else because that is what I enjoy.
I will choose the latter, it is more fun!
Friday, April 16, 2010
A breath from disaster
Having been around a number of different leather communities I have noticed a recurring theme or arch-type. The one step ahead of disaster Master. These folks seem to be just ever so slightly ahead of the disaster curve. Time and again things blow up and if they aren't at the epicenter they are very near it.
I really have to give them credit, they have great publicist or something, because none of the fecal matter that spews ever sticks to them. They constantly rotate through s-types, breaking one after another with unsafe acts, or destroy whatever self-esteem or pride there may be, but it is never their fault. This lifestyle has lost more than one s-type to just such a person.
How do we as a community prevent this? How do we as a community stop this from happening. Much the same way we would in any other aspect of our lives. If a person comes to you asking your opinion of someone what do you say? Do you take the harder path and be honest, or do you want everyone to keep liking you and say nothing? By that omission you are just as guilty as the person who does these things. If you have seen questionable activity and someone who is considering entering into a relationship with that person asks you, be honest. For the record honesty is not the same as maliciousness. You don't need to talk them down, but do be honest about what you have seen first hand. Don't be shy about it, or refer them to someone who does have first hand knowledge of what they are like.
Most "specialty" communities are very closed knit and it seems that everyone has dated or had a relationship with everyone else, and this is how the abuse or neglect or (insert negative event here) keeps happening. Nobody will stand up and say this person did (insert negative event here).
This is not without a price, bravery begets backstabbing and bickering and very possibly being excluded from certain groups. But in the end, what is Our responsibility? Are We not the Dominants? Is it not Our responsibility to protect Our community? If not then are We just playing at it?
I really have to give them credit, they have great publicist or something, because none of the fecal matter that spews ever sticks to them. They constantly rotate through s-types, breaking one after another with unsafe acts, or destroy whatever self-esteem or pride there may be, but it is never their fault. This lifestyle has lost more than one s-type to just such a person.
How do we as a community prevent this? How do we as a community stop this from happening. Much the same way we would in any other aspect of our lives. If a person comes to you asking your opinion of someone what do you say? Do you take the harder path and be honest, or do you want everyone to keep liking you and say nothing? By that omission you are just as guilty as the person who does these things. If you have seen questionable activity and someone who is considering entering into a relationship with that person asks you, be honest. For the record honesty is not the same as maliciousness. You don't need to talk them down, but do be honest about what you have seen first hand. Don't be shy about it, or refer them to someone who does have first hand knowledge of what they are like.
Most "specialty" communities are very closed knit and it seems that everyone has dated or had a relationship with everyone else, and this is how the abuse or neglect or (insert negative event here) keeps happening. Nobody will stand up and say this person did (insert negative event here).
This is not without a price, bravery begets backstabbing and bickering and very possibly being excluded from certain groups. But in the end, what is Our responsibility? Are We not the Dominants? Is it not Our responsibility to protect Our community? If not then are We just playing at it?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Need to Know
There are many arguments from all walks of life, about how much to tell families and loved ones. It seems that a policy of full disclosure has become the norm. But the question remains why?
As a habit I don't tell my family what sexual positions me and my wife prefer. So when it comes to lifestyle the question still remains...Why? Many people have families, or members thereof that really don't want to know. By telling them, you are only creating drama. People have this look of stunned disbelief as their families or parts of it disown them. Families refuse to talk to them, or otherwise shun them. So what is the happy medium?
You grew up with your families, you know what their views are, sure they may change when it is "one of their own". But be honest with yourself, be honest with whomever you are involved with. Do I care if I won't be invited over for Christmas dinner? Not really.
But be aware that this is the decision point of your life, there are people who will make you choose. Tell your family or I will walk.
One of my thought points on this is that yes my family is important, but they are my past. The family I have now, my intentional family, my House is my future. My family can accept that or not. Now if they ever did come to visit, sure we would tone down our behavior as a courtesy. But much of what happens in this House is "bedroom" activity. If it isn't, then it is the most mundane of activities. No matter how leather we are, the cat litter still needs to be done. The dishes still need cleaned, and the trash still needs pulled, and let us not forget about budgets to be balanced.
So think carefully...What does the family need to know? What compromise are you and your partner(s) willing to make? If the answer is none, then the response is your responsibility to deal with. We each have those choices to make, and no they can not be unmade, welcome to the real world
As a habit I don't tell my family what sexual positions me and my wife prefer. So when it comes to lifestyle the question still remains...Why? Many people have families, or members thereof that really don't want to know. By telling them, you are only creating drama. People have this look of stunned disbelief as their families or parts of it disown them. Families refuse to talk to them, or otherwise shun them. So what is the happy medium?
You grew up with your families, you know what their views are, sure they may change when it is "one of their own". But be honest with yourself, be honest with whomever you are involved with. Do I care if I won't be invited over for Christmas dinner? Not really.
But be aware that this is the decision point of your life, there are people who will make you choose. Tell your family or I will walk.
One of my thought points on this is that yes my family is important, but they are my past. The family I have now, my intentional family, my House is my future. My family can accept that or not. Now if they ever did come to visit, sure we would tone down our behavior as a courtesy. But much of what happens in this House is "bedroom" activity. If it isn't, then it is the most mundane of activities. No matter how leather we are, the cat litter still needs to be done. The dishes still need cleaned, and the trash still needs pulled, and let us not forget about budgets to be balanced.
So think carefully...What does the family need to know? What compromise are you and your partner(s) willing to make? If the answer is none, then the response is your responsibility to deal with. We each have those choices to make, and no they can not be unmade, welcome to the real world
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The chemistry of what we do.
One of the things that many folks read about and that even more s-types think about is sub-space. Many of the theories surrounding sub-space is that it is an altered mental state brought on by the release of hormones in the body, more specifically endorphines. What is less discussed and something that I feel has equal importance is Dom-space. It is the euphoric sensation that is a Dominant enters into during a scene or even in the D/s lifestyle while watching their s-types.
There is no supporting work on this at this time, at least not anything that has any scientific merit. But I would like to toss my 20 spot on the table and add a theory here.
My theory is, Dom-space is much like the state of euphoria that a person enters into when hitting a winning combo on a slot machine or gambling in general. We have "won" the hours of work that We put into it is Our pay off. So the brain, in theory, is providing a "feel good sensation" or positive reinforcement. Which heightens all sorts of things.
Just something to think about it.
Ansuz
House Sarcasm
There is no supporting work on this at this time, at least not anything that has any scientific merit. But I would like to toss my 20 spot on the table and add a theory here.
My theory is, Dom-space is much like the state of euphoria that a person enters into when hitting a winning combo on a slot machine or gambling in general. We have "won" the hours of work that We put into it is Our pay off. So the brain, in theory, is providing a "feel good sensation" or positive reinforcement. Which heightens all sorts of things.
Just something to think about it.
Ansuz
House Sarcasm
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
First Impressions and Lifestyle Importance
There is that old adage, "You only get one chance at a first impression", and it is true. Even more so in this lifestyle. Many times I have seen Dominants on the hunt for a long term submissive and are constantly befuddled as to why they don't have anyone interested. Looking at them it becomes apparent extremely quick. We all judge the book by its' cover, to steal another saying. Questions that are quickly answered...
"Are they my physical ideal?"
"Do they APPEAR to represent what I am looking for?"
"Are they able to provide what I am looking for?"
All these questions at least have a tentative answer before a word is ever said. Sometimes it is wrong, but not often. To use an often maligned concept, we profile, on both sides of the whip.
The first question, "Are they my physical ideal?" This could be for any number of reasons, from eye candy to physical stamina. Folks that are overweight are PRONE to increased health problems, not always but it does happen. If an s-type is looking for someone to do extended physically intensive scenes they may not be interested in someone that is morbidly overweight or gets winded coming up the steps. Likewise from the other side.
Second, "Do they appear to represent what I am looking for?" This could be any number of things, from the style of dress to how you carry yourself. If I am sporting high protocol tendencies and show up in shabby clothes someone who is looking for High Protocol may not be so interested. Next is the fit of clothing, and this is one that seems to happen more so with the male Dominants than female, the fit of your clothing. Those leather pants that you got 15 years ago, that you now wear four inches lower because of the gut. Get new pants. Now this does come with the caveat of showing up on a night that has a specific theme, you may not be dressed as you normally are, but I think most people make allowances for that, if they are aware of it.
Third, "Are they able to provide what I am looking for?" Now this is one that is very near and dear to my heart and soul. Maintaining equipment. We have equipment that is years old now, and the wear shows. But what also shows is that the equipment is well maintained. We don't keep it stuffed in a bag in the back of a closet. After each use, it is hung up so that the falls are hanging free, this allows the entire tool to air and prevents cracking or molding in the leather. Our equipment is wiped down, and maintained, either by Us or by an s-type under Our supervision. But it is done. In addition to the condition of equipment, tools, toys, is the selection. We don't take every tool We own when We go to the club. That would require way more luggage than I am willing to tote about. But We do take a selection even if We aren't going to use it, it never hurts to have just in case. Plus playing at clubs or during the number of home demonstrations We have done, it never hurts to have that equipment, because it may draw someone in. They may not be interested in your 50 floggers, but wow you have a violet wand... The door is opened and the discussion starts.
So if you are seeking, be aware of the image that you and your equipment are putting out there. That is what will draw that initial interest and get s-types talking to you. They are for lack of a better term, your money makers.
Ansuz
House Sarcasm
"Are they my physical ideal?"
"Do they APPEAR to represent what I am looking for?"
"Are they able to provide what I am looking for?"
All these questions at least have a tentative answer before a word is ever said. Sometimes it is wrong, but not often. To use an often maligned concept, we profile, on both sides of the whip.
The first question, "Are they my physical ideal?" This could be for any number of reasons, from eye candy to physical stamina. Folks that are overweight are PRONE to increased health problems, not always but it does happen. If an s-type is looking for someone to do extended physically intensive scenes they may not be interested in someone that is morbidly overweight or gets winded coming up the steps. Likewise from the other side.
Second, "Do they appear to represent what I am looking for?" This could be any number of things, from the style of dress to how you carry yourself. If I am sporting high protocol tendencies and show up in shabby clothes someone who is looking for High Protocol may not be so interested. Next is the fit of clothing, and this is one that seems to happen more so with the male Dominants than female, the fit of your clothing. Those leather pants that you got 15 years ago, that you now wear four inches lower because of the gut. Get new pants. Now this does come with the caveat of showing up on a night that has a specific theme, you may not be dressed as you normally are, but I think most people make allowances for that, if they are aware of it.
Third, "Are they able to provide what I am looking for?" Now this is one that is very near and dear to my heart and soul. Maintaining equipment. We have equipment that is years old now, and the wear shows. But what also shows is that the equipment is well maintained. We don't keep it stuffed in a bag in the back of a closet. After each use, it is hung up so that the falls are hanging free, this allows the entire tool to air and prevents cracking or molding in the leather. Our equipment is wiped down, and maintained, either by Us or by an s-type under Our supervision. But it is done. In addition to the condition of equipment, tools, toys, is the selection. We don't take every tool We own when We go to the club. That would require way more luggage than I am willing to tote about. But We do take a selection even if We aren't going to use it, it never hurts to have just in case. Plus playing at clubs or during the number of home demonstrations We have done, it never hurts to have that equipment, because it may draw someone in. They may not be interested in your 50 floggers, but wow you have a violet wand... The door is opened and the discussion starts.
So if you are seeking, be aware of the image that you and your equipment are putting out there. That is what will draw that initial interest and get s-types talking to you. They are for lack of a better term, your money makers.
Ansuz
House Sarcasm
Monday, April 12, 2010
Equal Opportunity...
Lest we get too far into this blog and not have some perspective allow me to lay some settle some concerns that may be forth coming.
I am not about keeping women down, I am all about them rising and falling on their own merit. My co-Dominant within the structure of the House is also my wife. I am the Head of the Household due to some fairly mundane reasons. While she is NOMINALLY subordinate to me, she is in no way submissive to me. We came to this agreement prior to setting the House up and have maintained it as such because the reasons are still valid. In the event that I am absent she has full authority and ability to execute the actions required for the House to run smoothly.
Likewise I have trained both male and female s-types over the course of the years. I am all about male submissives as I am about female submissives, as long as the meet the criteria set for the House. Most of what male submissives are into is pretty ick and very few are actually looking for a male Dominant.
We currently do have a couple of females that are under consideration by the House, is this a social statement? Not in the least, is it the relationship that makes everyone happy? Very, very, very much so. It is the market of what is available and who is interested in what We are offering.
If perhaps someday there are male and female s-types involved. They will each be judged on their abilities as individuals, not what is, or is not hanging between their legs. In the past We have had males that have come to Us to seek training or potentially a position in Our House, and that so did not work out well. From basic tasks all the way up to recitation. Overall the females, in general who have applied to the House or applied themselves to the training material have done substantially better than the males. So does that mean that while I am all about voluntary female submission, I am pro-female? hmmmm vaguely ironic.
Ansuz
House Sarcasm
I am not about keeping women down, I am all about them rising and falling on their own merit. My co-Dominant within the structure of the House is also my wife. I am the Head of the Household due to some fairly mundane reasons. While she is NOMINALLY subordinate to me, she is in no way submissive to me. We came to this agreement prior to setting the House up and have maintained it as such because the reasons are still valid. In the event that I am absent she has full authority and ability to execute the actions required for the House to run smoothly.
Likewise I have trained both male and female s-types over the course of the years. I am all about male submissives as I am about female submissives, as long as the meet the criteria set for the House. Most of what male submissives are into is pretty ick and very few are actually looking for a male Dominant.
We currently do have a couple of females that are under consideration by the House, is this a social statement? Not in the least, is it the relationship that makes everyone happy? Very, very, very much so. It is the market of what is available and who is interested in what We are offering.
If perhaps someday there are male and female s-types involved. They will each be judged on their abilities as individuals, not what is, or is not hanging between their legs. In the past We have had males that have come to Us to seek training or potentially a position in Our House, and that so did not work out well. From basic tasks all the way up to recitation. Overall the females, in general who have applied to the House or applied themselves to the training material have done substantially better than the males. So does that mean that while I am all about voluntary female submission, I am pro-female? hmmmm vaguely ironic.
Ansuz
House Sarcasm
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Why a House?
In the leather traditions there are all sorts of labels and methods for organizing ones D/s or M/s relationships. Why do We call ourselves a House?
A House in the leather community is defined as a group or collective of people who practice a formal protocol.
I enjoy the practice of having protocol, it takes away much of the confusion of life. It creates a safe place for Our s-types and really who has not enjoyed coffee service by a person in nothing but panties/ underwear and a collar and cuffs? I enjoy much of the training, much of the refinement that goes with Having a House. Sure it is hard work, but it is hard work that pays dividends.
Our girls know how to approach Us, they know how to talk to Us. They know how to serve and what We enjoy. Plus I not believe that anything has ever been achieved and maintained by consensus. Ultimately there is one person that is responsible for the actions of the House and the actions of the members of the House. That would be the Head of the Household. I may consult other members of the House at my discretion but ultimately I am responsible, which means that in order to be a member of this House, people have to conduct themselves to the level of my expectation. Not society, not theirs...but mine.
A House in the leather community is defined as a group or collective of people who practice a formal protocol.
I enjoy the practice of having protocol, it takes away much of the confusion of life. It creates a safe place for Our s-types and really who has not enjoyed coffee service by a person in nothing but panties/ underwear and a collar and cuffs? I enjoy much of the training, much of the refinement that goes with Having a House. Sure it is hard work, but it is hard work that pays dividends.
Our girls know how to approach Us, they know how to talk to Us. They know how to serve and what We enjoy. Plus I not believe that anything has ever been achieved and maintained by consensus. Ultimately there is one person that is responsible for the actions of the House and the actions of the members of the House. That would be the Head of the Household. I may consult other members of the House at my discretion but ultimately I am responsible, which means that in order to be a member of this House, people have to conduct themselves to the level of my expectation. Not society, not theirs...but mine.
Friday, April 9, 2010
The Backstory
As I said in my original post, I am 35 years old. I would like to thank my parents for bringing me into the world, without them none of this would be possible. I grew up in a standard nuclear family one female mother, one male father, one half-sister, and one younger brother.
Alas, but my tale is not filled with sorrow, or epic conditions to be overcome. We children were well loved, we got attention. Our parents were parents, not absentee landlords. My early life was comfortable suburbia, though we did move around a lot due to my father being in the military. My parents had me and my brother later in life, so we were still relatively young when our father retired from the Army.
After that things stabilized for a while, my dad went to school full time, and he had a stint on welfare, and food stamps. It was not pretty, it was not fun, but Dad explained why it was happening. He had a plan, and most importantly he followed through on that plan. Cosmic coincidence probably, but at that age he was larger than life and capable of anything. A mythic figure to be feared and respected, yet still took time to play with us.
My mom, though given to bouts of excitability was no less epic, just slightly more earthy and approachable. She taught us music, and how to speak...she taught us how to read, and more importantly how to understand what we were reading. The jobs she took allowed her to be home when we left and she was always there when we came back, well almost always, but often enough that her not being there was the exception not the rule.
I had an incredible extended family growing up as well. Both sides had their good apples and their bad. But the awesomeness of the good definitely outweighed the horror of the bad. There are folks like my great grandparents, my aunt, my grand parents (not all on the same side) that had an incredible impact on my life, some of those memories will be shared here at a later time.
So all of this boils down to a remarkably unremarkable childhood that really has no insight into why I am the way I am. I am o.k. with it, I do not need an excuse or reason. Perhaps it is genetics, perhaps there is some well qualified psychologist that can explain it in minute detail. But I will take this life that I have and run like I stole something.
My first love of the lifestyle is D/s, this I think I understand because I was raised to be competent and confident. I was raised with the understanding that relinquishing control and following someone else when you are not the most qualified does indeed not make you less of a person or a man.
My second love of the lifestyle is S/m. I enjoy pushing the limit and seeing what can be done. How well I can do it. There have only been a few complaints, but no long lasting injuries, only a couple of E.R. visits, but some of that was the exuberance of youth, and more than one of them was me in the E.R. not the bottom.
Everything else I enjoy falls under those to major heading. I like rough body play (S/m). I like using my hands and teeth. I like using floggers, I really like the Wal-mart foam covered bats....AWESOME! I like coffee service by a well trained girl in nothing but her panties and Our collar (D/s). I enjoy the training (process) that goes into the creation of a well running and smoothly operating House.
I enjoy my life, and there will be more interludes and moments of memories that I feel have defined me in the future.
Alas, but my tale is not filled with sorrow, or epic conditions to be overcome. We children were well loved, we got attention. Our parents were parents, not absentee landlords. My early life was comfortable suburbia, though we did move around a lot due to my father being in the military. My parents had me and my brother later in life, so we were still relatively young when our father retired from the Army.
After that things stabilized for a while, my dad went to school full time, and he had a stint on welfare, and food stamps. It was not pretty, it was not fun, but Dad explained why it was happening. He had a plan, and most importantly he followed through on that plan. Cosmic coincidence probably, but at that age he was larger than life and capable of anything. A mythic figure to be feared and respected, yet still took time to play with us.
My mom, though given to bouts of excitability was no less epic, just slightly more earthy and approachable. She taught us music, and how to speak...she taught us how to read, and more importantly how to understand what we were reading. The jobs she took allowed her to be home when we left and she was always there when we came back, well almost always, but often enough that her not being there was the exception not the rule.
I had an incredible extended family growing up as well. Both sides had their good apples and their bad. But the awesomeness of the good definitely outweighed the horror of the bad. There are folks like my great grandparents, my aunt, my grand parents (not all on the same side) that had an incredible impact on my life, some of those memories will be shared here at a later time.
So all of this boils down to a remarkably unremarkable childhood that really has no insight into why I am the way I am. I am o.k. with it, I do not need an excuse or reason. Perhaps it is genetics, perhaps there is some well qualified psychologist that can explain it in minute detail. But I will take this life that I have and run like I stole something.
My first love of the lifestyle is D/s, this I think I understand because I was raised to be competent and confident. I was raised with the understanding that relinquishing control and following someone else when you are not the most qualified does indeed not make you less of a person or a man.
My second love of the lifestyle is S/m. I enjoy pushing the limit and seeing what can be done. How well I can do it. There have only been a few complaints, but no long lasting injuries, only a couple of E.R. visits, but some of that was the exuberance of youth, and more than one of them was me in the E.R. not the bottom.
Everything else I enjoy falls under those to major heading. I like rough body play (S/m). I like using my hands and teeth. I like using floggers, I really like the Wal-mart foam covered bats....AWESOME! I like coffee service by a well trained girl in nothing but her panties and Our collar (D/s). I enjoy the training (process) that goes into the creation of a well running and smoothly operating House.
I enjoy my life, and there will be more interludes and moments of memories that I feel have defined me in the future.
Any Given Day
I wrote this a while back, and it has been posted on other websites, but the work is still mine. Enjoy.
Any Given Day
Moving around the house, getting ready to go out, everyone bustling about their business; making sure that all was in readiness and completing their chores. Organized chaos flowed around me. Hours of grace training paying off, nobody bumping into others or walls. Everything going where it belongs, the girls organized and carrying the House orders out quietly and efficiently.
The efficiency and organization is arousing. I watch each of the girls, moving about their tasks. Watching each girl fulfill our wishes; complete our orders. Privately I revel in the marks on their bodies, the bruises that we have left; the marks of our ownership.
Walking into the slave quarters I see one of our girls kneeling putting away items on the bottom shelf. A ray of sunlight lying across her from mid-back down her panties pulled tight across her ass. Her legs spread unconsciously in the proper hands and knees position. Our girl displayed like this fills me with desire; I feel my cock harden, as I watch her move about adjusting everything to fit.
As she finishes she starts to move and I command her with a single word “Freeze.” It is a normal conversational voice but she obeys instantly. One leg cocked back. I take my time crossing the room, coming at her from the side enjoying the full picture. Her head held high, her hair bound back away from her face, her breasts hanging under her free and unfettered, waiting for my attention, her legs properly positioned her panties pulled tight, hiding absolutely nothing from my wandering gaze. My cock twitches at the picture and obedience before me.
I drop my pants, stepping out of them as I get closer. My cock hard and tight against my body, I stroke my self leisurely coming up next to her, enjoying the sensation of my rock hard cock in my hand. It throbs with pleasure as I stroke down the shaft pulling the skin tight. Reaching her I kick a bruise on the back of her thigh, her whimper is a symphony of joy to my ears, and again my cock throbs in my hand. She makes no attempt to hide her face as she whimpers, there is no embarrassment.
I go to my knees behind her, running my left hand over her ass, lightly scratching her exposed skin along the line of her panties as I continue to slowly stroke myself. I feel my desire mounting within me as she remains motionless, my nails leaving red marks on her ass and thighs. I grab her panties and pull them down. “Lift your knees” I tell her.
“Yes, Master.” She acknowledges the order as she complies. I pull her panties down, leaving them at mid shin, all these displays of instant obedience adding to my lust and desire; each instance causing my cock to throb in my hand adding to my experience.
“Adjust.” I order.
“Yes, Master.” She says, spreading her knees wider, while arching her back fully displaying herself to me. Her cunt has begun to open, only slightly, but the desire to please me is within her, and that compounds my lust. My cock quivers within the confines of my hand, so hard that there is almost an ache to it. So hard it feels like the skin could split at any moment.
I scratch down her cunt, listening to the moan that comes from her, but still she holds still. Her back still arched, her body completely exposed to me. I release my cock, feeling it almost vibrate with the desire building within me. As I scratch her cunt again, I use my now free hand to punch the bruises that we have left on the back of her thigh. The marks of our teeth, faded but still very visible.
I lean forward, grinding my cock against her as I rake my hands down her back. I grip her flesh hard, squeezing her hips holding her for my impending violation. She wants this, she wants to please me and that is enough. I have no concern if she is ready. She is mine and I will use her. She is owned and will relish my using her.
With a small adjustment of my hips, I line myself up with her cunt. I force myself into her. Her whimpers delight me; even in pain she holds her position. I continue to advance into her cunt, opening her driving myself into her. The vise like grip of her unprepared cunt is exquisite. Her body fights me, but like ever other time, I conquer her. I possess her. Her whimpers become louder, the pain undeniable.
Sinking myself into her, I pause. Not to let her adjust, I savor this feeling of tightness. Now it is time to add to my pleasure. Releasing her hips, I grab her hair. Using this leverage I get even deeper spreading her wider. The whimpers become gasps as I ignore the needs of her body and violate her cervix. Still I keep pulling her hair, not to get deeper, but to force her to take me deeper. With those handfuls of hair I pull her up off her hands. Her panties trapped beneath my knees giving only slightly. I pull her upright letting gravity force her down even more onto my cock.
Her legs hold her awkwardly as I keep pulling her hair, bringing her shoulders within range. Buried deeply within her, forcing her cunt to expand and moisten, to accommodate her master. I strike fast and hard, biting deeply into her shoulder. Releasing her hair, I hold her up by the flesh trapped within my mouth; her gasps becoming screams of pain.
My hands now free; body impaled on my cock and trapped by my teeth I seek my release, hunting it ruthlessly with my fists, punching her breasts. Forcing her screams; feeling her attempt to squirm away, and enjoying the sensations this creates on my cock.
I am ready now, I know my slave and I know what will provide my great release. My fist becomes an open hand slap to her cunt. Knocking the breath out of her, not once or twice, but repeatedly I slap her; feeling the air move around my nuts I slap her clit. Enjoying the writhing of her cunt on my cock she does her work in achieving my release.
Finally her cunt clenches around me, involuntarily milking me. I feel my orgasm; I feel my ownership. I have rewarded her for service well done. My eyes are closed tight as I ride my orgasm, enjoying the sounds of my girl’s pain. Feeling her flesh between my teeth, conquering her cunt and forcing it to take my shape; serve my will.
It is her owner’s strength that keeps her upright; it is her owner that uses her. As my orgasm subsides, my need lessens. I release my grip on her shoulder, catching her hair to keep her from falling. I admire the mark that I have left on her body. I lower her to the ground, allowing her to release my cock. Feeling satiated I take stock. Standing up I see another of our slaves her head to the book case on the opposite wall. Properly positioned “Hands and Knees” her head held high, her hair bound back away from her face, her breasts hanging under her free and unfettered, waiting for my attention, her legs properly positioned her panties pulled tight, hiding absolutely nothing from my gaze. My cock twitches at the picture of perfection before me.
We have trained our girl’s well. I am proud.
Any Given Day
Moving around the house, getting ready to go out, everyone bustling about their business; making sure that all was in readiness and completing their chores. Organized chaos flowed around me. Hours of grace training paying off, nobody bumping into others or walls. Everything going where it belongs, the girls organized and carrying the House orders out quietly and efficiently.
The efficiency and organization is arousing. I watch each of the girls, moving about their tasks. Watching each girl fulfill our wishes; complete our orders. Privately I revel in the marks on their bodies, the bruises that we have left; the marks of our ownership.
Walking into the slave quarters I see one of our girls kneeling putting away items on the bottom shelf. A ray of sunlight lying across her from mid-back down her panties pulled tight across her ass. Her legs spread unconsciously in the proper hands and knees position. Our girl displayed like this fills me with desire; I feel my cock harden, as I watch her move about adjusting everything to fit.
As she finishes she starts to move and I command her with a single word “Freeze.” It is a normal conversational voice but she obeys instantly. One leg cocked back. I take my time crossing the room, coming at her from the side enjoying the full picture. Her head held high, her hair bound back away from her face, her breasts hanging under her free and unfettered, waiting for my attention, her legs properly positioned her panties pulled tight, hiding absolutely nothing from my wandering gaze. My cock twitches at the picture and obedience before me.
I drop my pants, stepping out of them as I get closer. My cock hard and tight against my body, I stroke my self leisurely coming up next to her, enjoying the sensation of my rock hard cock in my hand. It throbs with pleasure as I stroke down the shaft pulling the skin tight. Reaching her I kick a bruise on the back of her thigh, her whimper is a symphony of joy to my ears, and again my cock throbs in my hand. She makes no attempt to hide her face as she whimpers, there is no embarrassment.
I go to my knees behind her, running my left hand over her ass, lightly scratching her exposed skin along the line of her panties as I continue to slowly stroke myself. I feel my desire mounting within me as she remains motionless, my nails leaving red marks on her ass and thighs. I grab her panties and pull them down. “Lift your knees” I tell her.
“Yes, Master.” She acknowledges the order as she complies. I pull her panties down, leaving them at mid shin, all these displays of instant obedience adding to my lust and desire; each instance causing my cock to throb in my hand adding to my experience.
“Adjust.” I order.
“Yes, Master.” She says, spreading her knees wider, while arching her back fully displaying herself to me. Her cunt has begun to open, only slightly, but the desire to please me is within her, and that compounds my lust. My cock quivers within the confines of my hand, so hard that there is almost an ache to it. So hard it feels like the skin could split at any moment.
I scratch down her cunt, listening to the moan that comes from her, but still she holds still. Her back still arched, her body completely exposed to me. I release my cock, feeling it almost vibrate with the desire building within me. As I scratch her cunt again, I use my now free hand to punch the bruises that we have left on the back of her thigh. The marks of our teeth, faded but still very visible.
I lean forward, grinding my cock against her as I rake my hands down her back. I grip her flesh hard, squeezing her hips holding her for my impending violation. She wants this, she wants to please me and that is enough. I have no concern if she is ready. She is mine and I will use her. She is owned and will relish my using her.
With a small adjustment of my hips, I line myself up with her cunt. I force myself into her. Her whimpers delight me; even in pain she holds her position. I continue to advance into her cunt, opening her driving myself into her. The vise like grip of her unprepared cunt is exquisite. Her body fights me, but like ever other time, I conquer her. I possess her. Her whimpers become louder, the pain undeniable.
Sinking myself into her, I pause. Not to let her adjust, I savor this feeling of tightness. Now it is time to add to my pleasure. Releasing her hips, I grab her hair. Using this leverage I get even deeper spreading her wider. The whimpers become gasps as I ignore the needs of her body and violate her cervix. Still I keep pulling her hair, not to get deeper, but to force her to take me deeper. With those handfuls of hair I pull her up off her hands. Her panties trapped beneath my knees giving only slightly. I pull her upright letting gravity force her down even more onto my cock.
Her legs hold her awkwardly as I keep pulling her hair, bringing her shoulders within range. Buried deeply within her, forcing her cunt to expand and moisten, to accommodate her master. I strike fast and hard, biting deeply into her shoulder. Releasing her hair, I hold her up by the flesh trapped within my mouth; her gasps becoming screams of pain.
My hands now free; body impaled on my cock and trapped by my teeth I seek my release, hunting it ruthlessly with my fists, punching her breasts. Forcing her screams; feeling her attempt to squirm away, and enjoying the sensations this creates on my cock.
I am ready now, I know my slave and I know what will provide my great release. My fist becomes an open hand slap to her cunt. Knocking the breath out of her, not once or twice, but repeatedly I slap her; feeling the air move around my nuts I slap her clit. Enjoying the writhing of her cunt on my cock she does her work in achieving my release.
Finally her cunt clenches around me, involuntarily milking me. I feel my orgasm; I feel my ownership. I have rewarded her for service well done. My eyes are closed tight as I ride my orgasm, enjoying the sounds of my girl’s pain. Feeling her flesh between my teeth, conquering her cunt and forcing it to take my shape; serve my will.
It is her owner’s strength that keeps her upright; it is her owner that uses her. As my orgasm subsides, my need lessens. I release my grip on her shoulder, catching her hair to keep her from falling. I admire the mark that I have left on her body. I lower her to the ground, allowing her to release my cock. Feeling satiated I take stock. Standing up I see another of our slaves her head to the book case on the opposite wall. Properly positioned “Hands and Knees” her head held high, her hair bound back away from her face, her breasts hanging under her free and unfettered, waiting for my attention, her legs properly positioned her panties pulled tight, hiding absolutely nothing from my gaze. My cock twitches at the picture of perfection before me.
We have trained our girl’s well. I am proud.
A Begining
Hello to all who have tumbled down the rabbit hole and into my world. This blog in its' entirety will be dedicated my journey through the Leather world, and the vanilla world. That is right, another BDSM blog. However, this time it is from the Top looking down.
Who Am I?
As far as names go Ansuz will do as well as any. It is a good name dedicated to a great grandmother who showed me wisdom and through that wisdom life.
What Am I?
I am a 35 year old man. I am a Leather Dominant. I am a sadist. I am the Head of My House. I am married. I am poly. I am intrigued by humanity, and completely confused by it.
Why Am I here?
There are any number of reasons that would suffice, but part is to work out what is in my brain. The other part, there seems to be a definitive lack of perspective. If I can add perspective or knowledge that is great. I am open to questions and comments. You will be treated with as much respect as you show me.
What do I hope to gain?
Mostly this is me working on thoughts, sharing thoughts and improving myself and thoughts. Acquaintances would be great but if I am doing nothing more than shouting into the great cyber void, that will work as well.
Have fun and enjoy the trip...This rabbit hole is deep and twisted!
Who Am I?
As far as names go Ansuz will do as well as any. It is a good name dedicated to a great grandmother who showed me wisdom and through that wisdom life.
What Am I?
I am a 35 year old man. I am a Leather Dominant. I am a sadist. I am the Head of My House. I am married. I am poly. I am intrigued by humanity, and completely confused by it.
Why Am I here?
There are any number of reasons that would suffice, but part is to work out what is in my brain. The other part, there seems to be a definitive lack of perspective. If I can add perspective or knowledge that is great. I am open to questions and comments. You will be treated with as much respect as you show me.
What do I hope to gain?
Mostly this is me working on thoughts, sharing thoughts and improving myself and thoughts. Acquaintances would be great but if I am doing nothing more than shouting into the great cyber void, that will work as well.
Have fun and enjoy the trip...This rabbit hole is deep and twisted!
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