Why?

It is a question that we as people ask all the time. There are libraries of philosophy dedicated to the topic. There are entire religions based on or around this very topic. There are the great Whys and the little whys. I am not attempting to solve the riddles of the universe, I think they are doing just fine on their own.

But, what about the little whys? Why am I the way I am? Why do I like the color blue? Often times people get wrapped around the axle about these things. For the most part, is it simply enough to just be?

Knowing that I am what I am is a huge relief. Knowing that there are people out there looking for what I am is great. But does the knowing why really change anything? I have no history of abuse, of any sort, other than watching Linda Carter as Wonder Woman growing up. But I have a completely unremarkable childhood. Maybe that is what made me the way I am? Too much or not enough, for me it doesn't really matter. I simply am, and in the knowledge that I am, I can grow. I can look for the venues that cater to what I am. I can be safe and find partners that want what I am.

The life that all of us in the leather community lead follows dangerously close to that line of abuse. In some cases it is abuse. But knowing what I am, has allowed me to avoid falling over that line. But that is what I NEED to know.

I don't need to know the why of it. Does it matter? Would it change me one iota? Sure it might satisfy a scratch an itch, but would I not do this thing that we do? The answer to that would be no. I would continue to be me. After all is the sunrise any less majestic for knowing that the sun isn't moving? It is still a majestic sight.

I enjoy what I do. I have taken the time to make sure that I do it safely. After all, you can only break your toy once. I am not overly concerned with what society thinks. For this is my life and what I do with it is my responsibility. As a consenting adult, I can choose to torture myself over why I am the way I am, or I can torture someone else because that is what I enjoy.

I will choose the latter, it is more fun!